Tuesday, 2 October 2012

From Chloe, with love

PLEASE NOTE: This was written and saved on 18.9.12 for automatic publishing.

In my last post, I talked about the silly little things I would miss while I am away.  Well, that stuff is good, but this is where it gets real.  Be warned, I may be nicer about you in this post than I ever have been or will be again. It’s all true, but as I have said before, I am a coward.  Or I just explain my feelings better in writing than any other method. Yea, I’m sticking with that one.

So I’m getting this out of my system right now. Here are the things I will REALLY miss.

HOME:  Not just the pile of bricks and mortar but everything it holds and represents.  Comfort, safety, security, love, memories, but most of all, my dad.  I can’t begin to explain just how much I will miss him.  The quote that jumps to my mind is from ‘Friends’, when Ross angrily asks Rachel why she didn’t say goodbye to him as she was leaving to move to Paris.   Rachel responds emphatically: ‘I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you! When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go!’  I hope I manage a better goodbye than that, but I know there are still things I won’t say, or I’ll make some stupid comment to ruin the mood.  So I hope that quote sums things up.
And although he’s rarely there, home still includes my brother.  When I need an honest, alternative opinion, he’s the one I turn to.  He is constantly challenging me, making me question everything and look at things from different angles.  His opinion is always one I value because I know it will be completely honest and frills-free, and more often than not it will be bloody hilarious.  We may not always agree but he never fails to make me think about other options.  His strength and his independence have always been traits I admired, and he always encourages me to get out on my own and see the world at any cost.   He always means what he says and I have so much respect for him for that.  

FRIENDS:  My friends are everything to me.  I have a few scattered all over the place, and some of them I rarely get to see but still will always consider them to be friends.  But this section is more specifically for the 3 friends who have really been there for me recently.  They should know who they are. 
There is the ever-loyal, ever-reliable one, who works harder than anyone I know to maintain her relationships.  I can’t express how grateful I am for her efforts, because she makes being her friend easy, and although I don’t always show appreciation for it, she is constantly helping me to be a better person.  She’s my sister, and the only reason I’m not dragging her ass out to Nepal with me is because I would be constantly worrying about her out there.  When I'm struggling with decisions, it's her voice that I hear in my head that steers me the right way.
Then there’s another friend, who had almost slipped away and somehow had the courage to make the steps to come back and remind me what a wonderful person they are and why I need them in my life.  Their vivacity and joie de vivre encourages me to be positive and count my blessings, especially when times are hard.  They prove that true friendships aren’t affected by absence; they will remain intact ready to be picked up from where they were left off, and I really hope this is the case when I come home.
Then there’s the surprise friend, the one I never expected to become so important.  This friendship snuck up on me.  Over the time I have known them they have relaxed, softened, warmed and became someone whose company I now crave.  The more I learned about them, the more I wanted to know.  And what I found was unanticipated; a person with a wonderful sense of humour, a newly-acquired (and all-the-more admirable) positivity, and a genuinely open, enquiring mind.  Their ability to provide comfort without even realising it is something that makes me glad to spend time with them, and I will miss seeing them every week.

The friends I made on my last Nepal trip will be especially missed while I am there this time, as I won’t have them there for support and to help me make sense of the strange things I encounter.  They all brought such different opinions and experiences to the table, and helped me appreciate the trip so much more.  They became my home away from home and I will miss them so much when I visit places we once went together. Each and every one of them had a lasting effect on me for a variety of reasons and I couldn’t have been more grateful for each of them.  When I was deciding if I should take the leap of faith and do this trip alone, they were the ones who encouraged me do it and told me not to look back.  When I find things tough on my journey, they will be the ones who can understand the most and will be the ones I turn to when I’m not sure what I am doing.

FAMILY: My extended family come and go from my life, but are no less important when I don’t get to see them as often as I would like.  My dear grandmothers are the epitome of who I want to be.  Strong, beautiful matriarchs who are compassionate, wilful and resilient.  If I can do anything to be more like them, this trip will be the way for me to do it.  As for my kind aunts and uncles and my always-entertaining cousins, they will be important points of contact while I'm away and I will look forward to sharing my adventures with them and getting their reactions as I travel.  I can always rely on them for love and support, no matter how far away they may be.

I know there may be times I don’t talk about missing home, or family, or friends while I am away.  But you can be sure, that even if I don’t say how much I miss all of this, I will be thinking it, and simply putting it aside to try and remain present while I’m in Nepal.  I want to make the most of the experience, and even if I talk about the wonders of travelling solo, you will all still be with me wherever I go.

And on that note, I think I have prattled on for long enough.  

Maya garchu!

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